Encouragement for Moms on the Worn-Out Days
If you are a worn-out mom who feels like you are failing, you are not alone. It’s something we tell each other, this whole “you’re not alone” thing because it is true but its interesting because motherhood can also leave you feeling a little isolated.
I think its also important to realize that simply saying “you’re a good mom” doesn’t really bring much true encouragement because you and I both know we are far from perfect and fall short of who we want to be as moms sometimes.
But I do want to remind you that the love for your children bubbles over onto them in ways you don’t realize. The vision of the perfect mom you have in your head might not match what your child has in their head and that might be really freeing.
You are not behind. You are not too much. You’re going to keep growing, learning and becoming in your motherhood journey.
You are seen in the valleys
Here is the thing I most want you to know: the love you give in the small, unglamorous moments is beautiful and quite literally life-changing for your children.
Nobody hands you a trophy for the third load of laundry. There is no applause when you stay calm during the meltdown, or when you get up one more time after you swore you were done.
God sees it. He sees you in the dark hallway at 2 a.m. He sees you choosing patience when you have none left. "The Lord watches over you," the Psalm says, and I think He watches over the quiet hours most of all.
The big stuff we picture when we imagine being a good mom is rarely what our kids remember. They remember that we came. That we noticed. That we were there when the lights went out and the fears got loud.
You are stacking up a thousand tiny faithful things, and those things are building something in your kids that you may never fully get to see.
You are a good mom. Not the perfect one from the internet. A real one, who shows up tired and keeps loving anyway.
Are you actually a good mom?
I think someone should be honest about this because there are moms out there making bad choices and by definition, they are not good moms. It’s just true. If that’s you, you should reach out and get all of the help and support you need.
There is counseling for all kinds of moms and I’m a firm believer everyone should be in counseling at some point. But there are a lot of additional resources for moms who need additional support: rehab, therapy, local churches and more.
Get the help you know you need. Let go of the shame and say “I need help.” You and your kids deserve a beautifully restored you to lead them through life.
The load you carry is heavier than it looks
Let me be honest about the middle of this, because I think we skip it too fast.
So much of what a mom carries is invisible. From the shoe sizes and the doctor appointments to the medications and which kid is scared of the dark this month. You track the snacks running low and the permission slip due Friday and the fact that the one of your kids is experiencing more anxiety than they should.
You hold all of it at once, all day, and most of it never gets said out loud. Researchers who study this even have a name for it, the mental load, and they have linked carrying it alone to real burnout. If you want the plain explanation, the folks at the Child Mind Institute describe how this kind of unseen mental work wears parents down.
So when you feel like you are failing, I want to gently push back. You are not failing. You are tired. Those are not the same thing, even though they feel identical at 9 p.m. with the dishes still in the sink.
The lie that creeps in is that everyone else has it together and you are the only one dropping balls. I have felt that lie in my own kitchen. But I have also sat across from enough other moms to know it is not true. We are all holding more than we let on. You are not behind. You are just carrying a lot.
It’s okay if what you had envisioned for a birthday party, class party or a grand summer day doesn’t happen. There are far more important things you bring into your kid’s lives.
A few things to hold onto today
When the failing feeling gets loud, here are the reframes I come back to. Not fixes. Just truer ways to see it.
Measure the love, not the mess. The counters can be sticky and your kids can still feel deeply, fully loved. What matters in 20 years?
One hard moment is not the whole story. You lost your temper this morning. Okay. That is one scene, not the verdict on who you are as a mom. Repair, hug, make a change and move on. Kids learn how to recover by watching us recover.
Lower the bar to "we got through the day." Some seasons, fed and loved and tucked in is a full win. Your life is not something to measure against pinterest.
Let someone help. Saying you are tired is not a confession of failure. It is just true and you should be able to say when you need help.
Truthfully, the encouragement has to come from somewhere bigger because Jesus is the only one who can sustain me.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28
And from Isaiah 40:29, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."
I don’t have to come to Him feeling strong to receive more strength. I can be at the end of it all, holding nothing else in my tank, and He can give me what I need.
Joy in the valley
Some days feel impossible and we stare ahead of at the mountain in front of us and it feels overwhelming. Sometimes we are halfway up the mountain feeling like there’s no way we’ll ever reach the top.
Joy isn’t something I have to wait for at the top of the mountain. It is something that I can have when I slide back down the mud on the mountain or trip over a rock. I don’t have to enjoy the hiccups I face on my climb but joy can overflow from my heart regardless of the situation.
So don’t neglect joy in the middle of your hard morning, day or season. Don’t feel shame to laugh at something mildly humorous even when it feels like everything is crumbling around you.
You are not doing this alone. God is with you always.
We are all just figuring it out one ordinary day at a time. You are seen by a God who knows you. You are loved. You are a good mom (and if not, there’s hope for you, still).
Encouragement for Moms: Questions Moms Ask
What can I say to encourage a tired mom?
I’ve found each person really needs something different and most of the time they know what they need. By simply listening, or even asking directly, you can learn exactly what your friend needs to be encouraged in the season they’re in.
After you’ve asked or learned what they need, the important thing is to follow through and show up for them.
What does the Bible say about being a mom?
The Bible treats mothering as deeply valued work, not lesser work. It speaks tenderly about a mother comforting her child and honors the quiet, faithful love moms give. It also makes room for the worn-out among us, inviting the weary to come and rest rather than push harder. You do not have to be a perfect mom to be a deeply loved one.
How do I keep going when I feel like a failing mom?
Start by separating tired from failing, because they feel the same but are not. Lower the bar to fed, loved, and through the day, and count that as a real win. Don’t raise the bar to decked-out birthday events and more. All of those things are fun and you should do them if you love them but they hardly make you a good mom so they certainly can’t take anything from how good of a mom you are.
Let one hard moment be a single scene, not the whole story of who you are and not the whole story of your day.
What are encouraging words for moms in a hard season?
You are not behind. You are carrying a lot. The love you give in the unseen moments is the part that lasts. You are doing better than you think, and you are not doing it alone. This hard season is not the end of your story.
How do I find joy as a mom when life is hard?
Look for joy inside the hard day instead of waiting for it on the other side. It hides in small things, a belly laugh after a meltdown, a warm cup of coffee, a little hand reaching for yours. Slow down just enough to catch those moments and celebrate them.
